My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
