that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
