He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
