i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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