were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
