Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
