I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
