so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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