You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
