all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
