SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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