I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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