He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
