how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
