Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
