Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can tuck mytits in my pants
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
