I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So vagazzling was a success
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
