Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
