My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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