We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
