You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
