ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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