Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He felt like a one man threesome
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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