I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
