This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
