Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
