hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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