What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
