Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
