Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
