'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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