I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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