My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
