I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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