I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
