I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
