In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
