Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
