Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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