i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
