dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
