Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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