I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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