There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
