Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
