i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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