Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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