You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
