Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I touched a dick in church today
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
