She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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