go do what you do best...puke behind churches
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't turn off my feet"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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