Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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