i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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