Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Barsexuality is the new black.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
